For those of you with children

[MONARCH]

For those of you with children, this is totally hysterical! For those of you who do not have children yet, consider this a reason for birth control.

The following came from a mother from Austin Texas, and for all intensive purposes, is true.

The things I’ve learned;
1) A king sized waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3) A three year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded room.
4) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit A ceiling fan can hit the ball a long way.
6) The glass in windows (even duel-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words “uh oh,” it’s already too late.
8) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9) A 6 year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do that in the movies.
10) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive system of a 4 year old.
11) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12) Super glue is forever.
13) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
14) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15) VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
16) Garbage bags do not make for good parachutes.
17) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19) Always look in the oven before you turn it on, plastic toys do not like ovens.
20) The fire dept. in Austin TX has a 5 minute response time.
21) The spin cycle on a washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22) It will however, make cats dizzy.
23) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

This too is a true story.

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the three little pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, “...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’ The teacher paused, and then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?” One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said. . . ‘Holy crap! A talking pig!’” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

24) 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and the brake fluid.

[samson]

LOL--good stuff, thanx

[DimeCFH]

I've personally tried the ceiling fan part when I was younger. The fan was all sorts a wobbly and marred up when I was through. Thanks bro for the memories...

[Cougar830]

Sound's just like the 6 we raised thank god they grew up. LMAO

[samson]

I used my ex`s cat for the ceiling fan part.

[dannyzzz]

Originally Posted by MONARCH

24) 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and the brake fluid.

I might try the Jell-o in the Pool though

lmao great stuff thanks for the laugh